The last few months have been an emotional roller coaster. It’s not just financial or practical. It has been the most draining process in the world. I try my very best to be positive about this whole situation but it’s so difficult. I’ve never fought this hard. I do it myself, I can’t find anything. I meet with Gloria. That doesn’t help. I meet with Angel. Everything is wait listed. I try to look at an apartment. The person doesn’t show up. My mom keeps telling me it will work out. Just wait. I’ve lived in hotels. Searched for jobs. Looked for rooms. Had a baby. Suffered through pregnancy. I’ve dealt with faulty relationships. And estranged family relationships. Ended a long term friendship. Nothing feels worse than this. Besides being homeless of course. You try so hard to make something work, only for someone to tell you no or not show up. They don’t feel your hurt or disappointment on your side. The housing authority people don’t feel incredible stress. My mom does feel the agonizing anxiety that I have to deal with on a daily basis. Dominique will figure it out. Jeremy will never know what it feel likes to not be able to provide your child with a home bc the owners mom decided not to show up. He will never know going to work everyday and making a sacrifice. Do I stay home with my kid? Do I go to work? Someone else is raising my kid. I have to struggle with this on a daily basis. On top of my own personal issues. My strength is depleting. I don’t know how this is all going to turn out. In the midst of all this, I have to find some kind of peace. I feel like I’m being punished. I look a mess. I feel a mess. I’m trying to keep it together. I don’t know much I have in me. But every time I see my angels face, I can only hope that something will change. I’m going to keep on fighting somehow. I will make it through opinions. What I should do? How I should feel? Right now I’m frustrated and tired and lonely and hurt. I miss my kid. I miss having my own a space. I miss my life. I want a special relationship with my kid. That’s how I feel right now. I’m not going to pretend to be anything else. It’s disheartening. I feel like this is going to put me in the grave. I don’t how much anxiety can take.